November Newsletter - child development, child discipline, children education, children needs, children self-worth, children socialization, coparenting, coparent, coparents, custody, divorce, divorce agreement, marriage therapy, divorce therapy, nonadversarial, parent plan, parent plans, parent conflict, parenting plan, parent skills, renegotiation, separation, single parent, single parents, visitation, collaborative, child academic or psychological difficulties

Healing Hearts
A Newsletter For Kids By Kids

Children of Seperation and Divorce Center, Inc. / Columbia: 410-740-9553

Holidays can be a difficult time for children who have experienced a separation. If you remember when your parents still lived together, you may have happy memories of family traditions, parties, special recipes and games. After your parents’ separation, the holiday season might feel a little bittersweet, happy with holiday cheer and a little sad with holiday memories. The good news is, holidays can continue to be a time of thankfulness, happiness and cheer with each of your parents. It takes some effort, though to share the holiday time. We asked our staff and peer counselors for suggestions for making the holiday times happy. Here is what they said.

Susan Bilchik, a counselor with COSD Center, recommends that parents and children create new family rituals at each home. One mom, who used to share

a big holiday dinner with her husband’s family on Thanksgiving, found the holiday table to be a little empty the first time she celebrated alone with her kids. She and her children got really creative and spent the day cooking and building a giant teepee in the living room. The family shared their first Thanksgiving much like the Pilgrims did! Their family tradition continues to this day.

Lynne, 15, a peer counselor, suggests that the child concentrate on having a nice time with each parent during their holiday together. “Try not to talk about the other parent, especially in a negative way” said Lynne. If kids and parents do talk about the separation, she recommends discussing the healthy, positive changes that have occurred since then. “Kind of like thinking about the things we are thankful for on Thanksgiving” she explained.

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Laurel Fay, NFRP Coordinator and therapist at COSD Center, reminds parents to be as gentle as possible with the transition from one home to the other at holiday times. “Transitions are always a difficult time; at holidays it is even harder to leave one parent alone to go to the other’s.” Let your children know that though you will miss them, you will be OK while they are gone. Remind children how much fun you will have together when they return. Let them know specifically what you will do together and most of all, send them to the other parent’s home with love and best wishes. It is hard to have fun with one parent when you are preoccupied with the other parent’s happiness.

Laura Steele, another therapist at COSD Center, suggests that parents and children prepare for the holidays with sticker charts, colorful calendars and countdown paper chains. Children may have more fun when they share in the excitement of the preparation in both mom’s and dad’s homes. Laura also cautions parents to be prepared for some acting out behavior, especially if this is the first holiday season since the separation. Children want to be with both parents very much and they may feel confused and overwhelmed.

Regardless of your family configuration, the holidays can be a wonderful time to share your joy and thankfulness for the time you have together. Best wishes to you and your family this holiday season.

KidShare November 12 and 19

ParentShare November 12 and 19

National Family Resiliency Orientation: Contact the center for times

Volume 2, Issue 9 Page 3 of 3

Healing Hearts/ Volume 2, Issue 9 / Page 2 of 3

Turkey Time Continued from Page One

Children may have much more fun over the holidays if they are involved in the preparation both with dad and with mom