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Parenting and the Law
John Murphy
Family Law Attorney
When parents are going through separation and divorce, they often have such difficulty dealing with each other that they may be tempted to go to court and ask a judge to make decisions about the children. Sometimes, going to court is unavoidable. But in most cases, the parents can choose to find ways to interact with each other regarding the children. Before deciding to let the court decide, parents should understand certain characteristics of the law:
1. The legal system is adversarial.
By this I mean that the model for the court system is attorneys and their clients in a contest to see who wins and who loses. Do you really want to put your children into this battleground or should court be used only as a last resort?
2. The Legal System Can't Decide Who Was at Fault in the Marriage
Some of my clients tell me that they want the court to decide so that they will be able to show who was right or wrong in the marriage. They are hoping to right the wrongs the other spouse has done.
In fact, courts rarely allow parents to vent personal disappointments in the marriage or character flaws in the other spouse unless it affects the children. The legal system is simply not able to see into the hearts and minds of litigants in order to decide who was at fault in the marriage. Consequently people seeking "justice" regarding the marriage in court are often deeply disappointed. They rarely feel vindicated after court.
3. The Legal-System Can't Show You the Best Way to Raise Children When Parents Are Going to Live Apart
some people think that the law knows the way to raise children after the parents separate. They may have had great difficulty dealing with the other parent and assume that the law can guide them in dealing with children and separated spouses. This isn't the case. Again, parents hoping that the court will know the best way to raise the children are disappointed.
4. The Legal System Isn't a Flexible Decision Maker
The legal system limits the ways that parents can make decisions for their children. If parents don't get along and can't agree to make all decisions together (joint legal custody), the law says the only other choice is that either Mom or Dad must decide everything (sole custody). This may not be in the child's best interest. One parent is forced out of the decision making process and the children lose the input and support of that parent.
The law is not flexible or creative but you can be.
COSD provides award-winning programs and support for families, as well as internationally acclaimed training and resources for professionals. To learn more about how these programs can help you and your family, click on one of the links above. And remember to add the COSD web site www.divorceabc.com to your list of online “favorites.” It’s a gift you can give to your family and yourself.
THE ROLE OF LAWYERS IN THE DIVORCE PROCESS
Margaret Richlin, Esq.
Columbia, MD
Lawyers serve different roles at different times in the divorce process. They can represent the husband, the wife, or the children in disputes related to divorce and custody. They advise their clients, advocate on behalf of their clients, and help their clients get through the process in the most constructive way possible.
Different Ways to Handle Divorce
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Legal Process
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Parties Themselves
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Mediation
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Negotiation through Lawyers
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Contested Litigation
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Who is involved?
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The two parties (the parents)
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The two parties (the parents) and the mediator (an attorney who works in the parties’ mutual interests)
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The two parties (the parents) and their separate lawyers
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The two parties, their lawyers, a judge, and witnesses
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What is the result?
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The parties can reach an agreement on their own and then find one attorney to draft it.
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The mediator helps the parties get to an agreement, which is then drafted by the mediator.
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The lawyers “speak” for their clients and work out an agreement.
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The lawyers question their clients and witnesses in a court room in front of a judge. The judge decides what to do and writes it into an order.
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How expensive is it?
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Costs the least (hundreds of dollars)
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Costs slightly more than the parties themselves handling the process—but still in the hundreds of dollars range
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Costs more (thousands of dollars)
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Costs the most (tens of thousands of dollars)
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Information the Lawyer Will Need from the Client
You may decide to consult with a lawyer when you are just considering separating from your partner, or you may not do so until you have already separated. In general, it is best to seek legal advice as early in the process as possible. Whenever you consult a lawyer, he or she will need to know all the relevant facts, such as financial information, parenting patterns, the nature of the marriage problems, health issues, and employment histories. The lawyer will then describe the applicable law, present the client with options, and explain the consequences of the client's choices.
COSD provides award-winning programs and support for families, as well as internationally acclaimed training and resources for professionals. To learn more about how these programs can help you and your family, click on one of the links above. And remember to add the COSD web site www.divorceabc.com to your list of online “favorites.” It’s a gift you can give to your family and yourself.
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