A JUDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ON JUDICIAL
AND PARENTAL DECISION-MAKING
Judge Diane O. Leasure
Circuit Court for Howard County, Maryland

When you think of all of the important decisions that you make in life, can you think of any decision more important than where your children will primarily reside after you and your spouse separate? After answering that question, ask yourself how comfortable you would be having a total stranger make that decision for you.

That's what happens when parents are unable to reach an agreement regarding custody and visitation. In that case, the decision is left up to a judge, and our decisions, by necessity, are based on the limited contact that we have with you in the courtroom. Believe me, there are few decisions that a judge is called upon to make that are more difficult, and at times more heart wrenching, than child custody decisions. The difficulty begins with the fact that our only contact with the parties is when we see them in court. We have no personal knowledge of your family's dynamics. We do not know your children. We do not know if the way you present yourself in court is a true reflection of your personality, or just a "show" in an effort to receive a favorable ruling.

For these reasons, we encourage parents to reach agreements regarding custody and visitation. After all, you are the ones who know your children and their needs the best. And if you reach an out-of-court agreement, your children will not be brought into the adversarial process that is part and parcel of a contested custody proceeding.

Ask yourself the following question:
Can I put my own needs on the back burner long enough to work with my spouse to determine a custody and visitation arrangement which is in the best interests of our children?

If you can, you and your children will be happier than you are likely to be if you leave this important decision in the hands of a total stranger.

COSD provides award-winning programs and support for families, as well as internationally acclaimed training and resources for professionals. To learn more about how these programs can help you and your family, click on one of the links above. And remember to add the COSD web site www.divorceabc.com to your list of online “favorites.” It’s a gift you can give to your family and yourself.
 

A JUDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ON JUDICIAL
AND PARENTAL DECISION-MAKING
Judge Cypert O. Whitfill
Circuit Court for Harford County, Maryland

The decision making by judges and parents is interconnected. Parents, in deciding whether or not they should go to court, ask themselves and their attorneys, "What will the judge decide?" Judges, in deciding cases ask themselves, "What would good parents decide under these circumstances?"

I always recommend that parents think long and hard before calling on a judge to decide the fate of their children. Parents should understand that they never cease to be responsible for their children's welfare. The court can carve up the time the children have with each parent and areas of responsibility of each parent, but the parents continue to have the primary responsibility for the physical and emotional welfare of each child.

It is undisputed that children do best when conflict is low. Only the parents, by their joint efforts, can reduce the conflict to which the children are exposed. The children need permission to love both parents. Only the parents can give that permission. When you think that the other parent is less than ideal, remember: you are the one who selected that other parent for your child or children. The children cannot reverse your mistake and neither can the judge. The children and the judge-have to do the best they can with the choice you made.

Waiting for a court to decide has some definite drawbacks:

• Getting your case before a judge can be a long and frustrating process. Most court dockets are congested and postponements are common. Even when a decision is made, the judge's decision is subject to appeal to an appellate court which can use up another six months to a year.

• In addition, having a judge decide your case can be a very expensive process. There are parents who spend enough on child custody and visitation litigation to send their child to college.

In the meantime, what are the children doing? They are trying to lead normal lives in spite of the fact that their world has been turned upside down. They are trying for some normalcy even though their parents tell them the important decisions must wait for the judge to decide, and their birthdays may come and go several times before the judge decides. Even after the judge decides, the children are growing up, their needs are changing and this causes new disputes. If you insist that the judge decide each dispute, then this means another trip to the attorney's office, more pleadings and another trip to court. The court rarely can deal with cases as fast as the children will grow and their needs will change.

COSD provides award-winning programs and support for families, as well as internationally acclaimed training and resources for professionals. To learn more about how these programs can help you and your family, click on one of the links above. And remember to add the COSD web site www.divorceabc.com to your list of online “favorites.” It’s a gift you can give to your family and yourself.

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