October Monthly Column - child development, child discipline, children education, children needs, children self-worth, children socialization, coparenting, coparent, coparents, custody, divorce, divorce agreement, marriage therapy, divorce therapy, nonadversarial, parent plan, parent plans, parent conflict, parenting plan, parent skills, renegotiation, separation, single parent, single parents, visitation, collaborative, child academic or psychological difficulties




		The Ghosts and Goblins of Divorce: Dealing with Anger By Risa Garon, LCSW It is easy to say, "Everything will be fine," to someone going through a hard time or family transition, such as divorce or remarriage. With such a major change, many people harbor feelings of anger and don’t know how to express them. They’re looking for guidance and you can help. First, it is important to know that there are many reasons why children and adults feel angry: Their psychological and financial security has been eliminated They didn’t expect these changes to happen There is very little that is fair about separation or divorce Paints may not receive adequate child support, which may affect the children. Children may not be able to participate in their favorite sports or activities. Anger may build and crescendo into tantrums for younger children. For older children, stealing, acting out in school, trouble with peers and family members may be a frequent occurrence. Adults may walk around in a rage and burst at the slightest annoyance. Individuals may lose control with family, friends and co-workers and even resort to destruction of property and violence against others Anger, like any emotion, can be used constructively if it is dealt with. Here are some suggestions: Understand that anger, like any emotion, is a normal feeling. Timing. Assess whether the individual is rational and able to express anger or may need time to "cool off and calm down". Encourage the individual to speak directly to the situation/person that triggered the anger. Suggest "I" messages, such as, "I am angry at you because you and Mom don’t have enough money for me to do soccer league this year." Learn what triggers anger, what makes it better or worse (e.g. if one is hungry and gets cranky, anger could become exaggerated). Discuss possible solutions and their potential consequences. As a professional, there are multiple techniques to use to encourage another person to express their feelings. Some include: Suggest time to exercise, play music, or self-reflect. Encourage journal writing to emphasize what triggered the anger. Create a tracking system to assess patterns. These methods serve as both immediate and long-range means to help someone start to cope with their feelings. As in any case, please contact NFRC at 410-740-9553 with any questions or guidance in dealing with these issues.