November Monthly Column - child development, child discipline, children education, children needs, children self-worth, children socialization, coparenting, coparent, coparents, custody, divorce, divorce agreement, marriage therapy, divorce therapy, nonadversarial, parent plan, parent plans, parent conflict, parenting plan, parent skills, renegotiation, separation, single parent, single parents, visitation, collaborative, child academic or psychological difficulties




		Giving Thanks With the radio blasting wintery music, shoppers scurrying and kids getting ready for vacation days, it’s not easy to dodge the holidays. For many people, the onset of the holidays easily triggers feelings of loss. Dreams of family unity melt into yelling matches... the perfect picture of a perfect holiday dissolves into loneliness. As one client recently said, "You know, not everything is really as picture perfect as we think it is. Some families may appear to have the perfect holiday but not even speak to each other. From the outside, it may look great but in actuality it may not be as a wonderful as we think." Our suggestions for coping with the holidays should help you guide both children and their parents through a tough holiday season. Our goal is to help you empower these families to take action and start to look forward to the future. You may even be able to apply some to your own family. 1.It is okay to look back on the past, discuss it, grieve for the losses and feel happy for the good times you had. The key is not to dwell on it and become unable to deal with the present. 2.Allow children to discuss the past. Ask them how they feel and accept their feelings without debating them or minimizing them. Use an old photo album that has holiday pictures as a prop to encourage sharing and expression. 3.Design a specific plan of action. Sometimes the "first" of anything -- including celebrating a holiday -- can be difficult. Think small. Suggest starting a new ritual which includes children in helping to create. Encourage celebrating with another family or a neighbor. Try a pot luck dinner so dinner can be less stressful. If the parent cannot participate in this holiday, make sure that there will be provisions made for the children to perhaps go to relatives or friends. 4.Make a priority list. When someone is hurting, extra stresses only exacerbate feelings. Build a savings account of thanks and don’t let it get depleted. 5.Some examples for parents: I am thankful that I have wonderful children to love I am thankful that I have a place to live and can provide for my children I am thankful for family and friends...... What else can be added to that list? 6.Start giving to others. Families may hurt and share their pain and then pull together and decide to do something else. Volunteer in a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home, bring food to a homeless shelter. Get perspective on a personal situation by stepping "outside the norm". These acts of kindness may not wipe away the pain but rather bring a good feeling that you can feel good about giving to others. Accepting the unfairness of family transitions and challenges is a lifelong process; so is forgiveness. Try to encourage reflection... what is one thing you are thankful for and hold that in your heart? Can you forgive remembering with thanks, the acts of another family member who hurt you? Peace of mind can sometimes come with change of heart. From the NFRC family to yours, we wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for all that you do to help others each day.