January Monthly Column - child development, child discipline, children education, children needs, children self-worth, children socialization, coparenting, coparent, coparents, custody, divorce, divorce agreement, marriage therapy, divorce therapy, nonadversarial, parent plan, parent plans, parent conflict, parenting plan, parent skills, renegotiation, separation, single parent, single parents, visitation, collaborative, child academic or psychological difficulties




		Family Resolutions The frenetic pace of the holidays is ending. Shopping, parties and grieving for that perfect holiday celebration that will never be have significantly eased. In fact, before and after the New Year begins, there are some quiet interludes during which you may find time to think about and commit to family resolutions. While New Years Resolutions for one self have become a source of jokes and columns in newspapers on New Year’s Day, a new and more serious form of goals for the coming year that can have significant impact is Family Resolutions. Family Resolutions can be defined as agreed upon ways of relating to each other that foster greater understanding, healthy families and resilient families. A generous focus away from one’s own self, these resolutions can be very powerful in altering your famly’s life style and connections to each other. The following suggestions are intended to assist you in thinking about and implementing your own family resolutions: Make time for your family and model that to your children. (dinners together, “down” time away from activities, shopping and work) Ease into your relationship with your child. Discuss “neutral” topics; plan a dinner together. Many children, youth and parents report the car to be the best place to start talking—small talk and major problems alike. Work with the faith community to foster healthy families through dinners with other families, activities and volunteering as a family to help others in need. Really know each family member. Quality, not quantity is a key ingredient to success with your resolution. The success of precious sharing times is based not on how much time one spends with a family member but the quality of that time. When you are with a family member or your entire family, think about did you: Have fun Listen to each other Communicate honestly with each other Really know what the other is doing and feeling Express your feelings to each other Learn something about yourself and the other person Thank the person for this time and what you may have learned from spending time with the person Focus fully on the person with whom you spent time Parents, spend time with your significant other each day but always find five minutes, hopefully more, to let your child know you love him and how important he or she is in your life. Recently, experts on family life have criticized the lack of connectedness in families and the business that doesn’t allow children to be children and parents to be models to their children. Communication in such families becomes abbreviated and short circuited to the point that relationships suffer. Just think about “Hurry, we’re late.” “Oh, no, I forgot something…” versus “I really liked taking a walk with you before dinner. I got to understand how pressured school can sometimes be for you. “ I hope my listening and our brainstorming helped.” Yes, the walk and talk take time but you are giving yourself and child a gift. Happy, healthy New Year. Risa Garon LCSW-C, BCD, CFLE Executive Director National Family Resiliency Center, Inc.