Spring Into Action:
Making Decisions that Address Children’s Personalities and Needs

When single parents who have experienced a family transition want to have more time with their children, they sometimes disregard their children’s needs. Naturally, each parent wants to spend as much time as possible with his or her children. When parents are not living together, the family needs to take special effort to plan for visitations, special trips, or events and address the quality of life of their child.

Our center is known nationally for helping parents to define critical needs for each child in the family and how each parent can work to meet those needs. As leaders in your professional and faith communities, you can be influential in teaching and supporting this “child-centered” approach.

Sounds complicated? Regardless of ethnicity, religion, education, all children need to master particular tasks at each developmental phase. Infancy, preschool, elementary, and teenage children each bring different challenges and tasks to the family. Parents’ roles need to cushion this developmental growth and guide the family through decisions that support the child.

These tasks fall into the following categories:

• Self-perception - Likable? Lovable? Competent? Feeling loved, trusting significant others and gaining a since of competency.
• Learning skills
• Relating to others (peers, adults, parents)
• Feeling safe and secure

When there is a family transition, each child is affected. By addressing the particular area of development, you can assist the parent in making a positive impact on their family.

Here is an example based on the developmental stage of an infant:

Infancy Developmental Consideration: How the infant views himself and the world.

Infants learn to trust other people and feel safe when their needs are met consistently. When they cry and their caregiver is right there interpreting their needs, the baby will most likely learn that the world is a safe place, that each parent will be there for him and he can trust the outside world to meet his needs.

Possible Impact of Family Transition:
The infant may not be treated with consistency; some of her crying may be ignored. Schedules may change and parents may not be as responsive in general. Infants may recoil, become more passive and not feel very worthwhile.

How do you take action?
How do you help a parent understand the impact of change on the child? During a transition, parents need to nurture themselves before they can expect to nurture a child. They can speak to their clergy, go for counseling or join a support group.

Parents need to keep the infants feeding, sleeping, changing schedule based on the infant’s needs. While each parent might have the child for certain nights, it is critical that they establish consistency from one home to another and not alter the schedule in any significant ways.

As a community leader, you can ask questions to ascertain whether parents are addressing their children’s developmental needs. You can listen, suggest clinical support, and request resources from counseling to books to parenting workshops facilitated at our center and others.

As the saying goes, “April showers bring May flowers.”With your guidance, parents can receive the help they need to invest in their child’s future.