0sept01 - child development, child discipline, children education, children needs, children self-worth, children socialization, coparenting, coparent, coparents, custody, divorce, divorce agreement, marriage therapy, divorce therapy, nonadversarial, parent plan, parent plans, parent conflict, parenting plan, parent skills, renegotiation, separation, single parent, single parents, visitation, collaborative, child academic or psychological difficulties

Healing Hearts

Children of Seperation and Divorce Center, Inc. / Columbia: 410-740-9553

We wanted to reach out to teens in this September issue of Healing Hearts. Many of our peer counselors are teens and we also run groups for high school students, so we had some great resources to contribute to the issue! Our teens say that some of their biggest concerns are time management, dealing with parent’s new relationships, and discovering where they fit in. There are many other topics

that our teens said would interest them, so we will feature them in other issues in our new column, “Especially for Teens.” Of course we can’t have a teen column without teen artists and authors! So send or email your contributions to the addresses on page 3.

High school can be a really busy time. School starts at the crack of dawn, immediately followed by sports, after school activities or work. Some where in there, teens need to fit in homework, friends and household responsibilities. When a separation or divorce has occurred in the family, there may be even more running around added to the schedule, with traveling between two homes and packing. Whew! Let’s take a minute… Sometimes when we are really busy, we feel good about ourselves for being able to get so much accomplished; other times, we might feel overwhelmed and tired. No

matter how you are feeling, remember to take good care of yourself. We asked our peer counselors how they handle all of their responsibilities and activities.
1. Keep a calendar in your back -pack with all of your appointments, activities, responsibilities, and times with each of your parents written in it. Sometimes it helps to keep everything straight by color-coding your different activities with highlighters.

Healing Hearts/ Volume 1, Issue 4 / Page 2 of 3

6. Take advantage of the internet. Many teachers post assignments and grades on websites. You can also email reminders to yourself to look at later.
7. Make sure that you get enough sleep, eat healthy meals, and take the time to exercise. Taking good care of your body can help you to feel more energetic and happy – two really helpful factors in preventing feeling overwhelmed.
8. Get some help. If you are truly overwhelmed by school work, a job, and or responsibilities at home, talk to the adults in your life to try to get some help. You might find that they are happy to hear about what is going on with you

2. Keep important telephone numbers and addresses with you wherever you go. It helps not to have to scramble around for a number if you have forgotten an assignment or will be late to an appointment.
3. If you play a sport or do some other kind of exercise after school, put a snack and some water in your gym bag. The snack can help to prevent you from feeling tired and run-down by the time you get home.
4. Figure out what time of day you are the most productive and try to do your homework around that same time each day.
5. If you switch back and forth between two homes, make sure that you have doubles of the essentials, like personal items, and changes of clothes, one set for each home.

Envision, By Kelly, 16

Sometimes I feel alone.
Like people are looking at me
Like people are laughing at me
Am I different from everybody else?
No.
I’m good.
I will find what I am good at.
I will pick a look that fits who I am.
I will choose to be with people who…
Bring out the best
In me.

Upcoming Events for Kids and Families

Kidshare - October 22 and 26, 2001

Family Resiliency Orientation - September 24 and October 15

Peer Counselor Training, October 5, 2001

Peer Counselor Meeting, October 11, 2001

** Call the center for more information **

Q: My parents have been divorced for a few years. They are both dating other people now. It’s really weird to see your mom getting dressed up for a date and it seems like my dad’s girlfriend is always around! I don’t know why; I just feel angry and jealous about the people they date. I think that when our parents are with us that they should be with us only, and they should not involve any “friends.”
R.B., Wayne, N.J.

Dear R.B.,
Yup, that is a tough one! After a divorce, both parents and kids want to feel happy again. While that may mean spending time with your friends and family to you, it may also mean finding a new partner to share happiness with for your parents. Although who your parents date is not something you can change, you might be able to let your parents know how you are feeling. Many times, parents aren’t aware that you want to spend time

alone with them. Communicate how you feel and what you need to your parents. Here are some examples: “I feel left out when your girlfriend comes with us to do the things we used to do alone. I miss the time we spent together. Would you go for a run with me – just by ourselves?”
“I feel frustrated when I am asked to baby sit on Saturday nights. Sometimes I have plans too and I miss them. Can we work something out so that I can see my friends?”

Sometimes I just sit and doodle or write. Before I know it, I have figured out how I am feeling and what my next steps will be. - Kelly

Magnadoodle Number 212, By Kelly, 16