Healing Hearts

Children of Seperation and Divorce Center, Inc. / Columbia: 410-740-9553

Peer Counselors shared the gift of stress relief this holiday season at the annual party. This year, guest speaker and Licensed Clinical Social Worker Christa Marvenko-Athas led a discussion and activity on “How to Reduce Holiday Stress.” Peer counselors first listed all of the extra stresses of the holiday season, including traveling, shopping, worrying about extra expenditures, planning family gatherings, and trying not to get too “wrapped up” in the material aspect of

the holidays. Peer Counselors noted that in situations of separation or divorce, families have the extra stress of fitting time in with two separate households and extended families. Robin, 33, of Catonsville, shared, “Christmas is a really hard time for me because my anniversary is right around that time and the holiday reminds me of when we were together. Tonight I learned that other people feel the same way.” (Continued on page 2).

Healing Hearts/ Volume 1, Issue 7 / Page 2 of 3

Keep a journal of your thoughts,feelings, experiences, successes and failures. It may be really helpful to re-visit all of those things, particularly if you are planning on writing college essays. You will have a rough draft!

Talk with your friends and family to learn from their experiences and to share yours.

Last, what ever you do, do your best. Put your best out there, and see what happens. You might just find what you’re looking for.

The message of this month’s column is “Take Charge of Your Life!” Teens are in a really exciting and sometimes confusing time of life when they think about questions like who they are, what they want to become, who their heroes are, what their goals are and where they fit in. Teen years are the time to explore themselves to begin to realize their potential. Obviously, a little column can’t answer all of those questions, but we can give some suggestions to help you to find out who you are and what you want to become.

If you are interested in something, try it. Take lessons. Join clubs at school and try out for sports. If you need or want a part-time job, try getting one in a field that you are interested in, like a model-builder in an architect’s office or a teaching assistant in a daycare center. To begin, brainstorm professions that are in-line with your interests with your parents, a teacher or a counselor. Call, email or write companies and tell them that you are interested in working part-time.

What if I have an activity that I want to do with my friends but my parents want me to be with them? RJ, Adelphi, MD

Dear RJ, Thanks for asking! As they get older, kids want to spend more and more time with their friends. When parents are separated, though, they want to spend all of the time you have with them together as a family. The short answer to your dilemma is that it is a balancing act where it is important for each of you to recognize the other’s needs. After you recognize your parents’ need to connect with you and they recognize your need to be with your friends, then the easy part is working out a compromise. Some kids have invited friends over to their house rather than go out. Some other kids have had one “family day” per week where they agreed to relax with the family and not go to their rooms or talk on the phone. If you find something that works for you, please write back and share it.

Time Flies, by Katrina, age 11

“For all kids of divorce, Once you have gotten through the hard part, it will feel like the time just flew.”

Expressing yourself through art may not only help you, it can also help others to feel better too.

relaxation exercise. The group then shared ideas for dealing with holiday stress. Suggestions included calling a good friend, writing in a journal, exercising, taking a bath and meditating. Each participant was given a special “Holiday Stress Relief Kit,” including Snickers bars to remember to laugh, play dough to work out some stress, Tootsie Rolls, a reminder not to bite off more than you can chew, a notepad to write lists, a tiny bow to remember that the little gifts can mean the most, and a candle to remember the true spirit of the holidays.
 

Fernand Tersiguel (left) hosts a benefit luncheon at his Tersiguel’s Restaurant in Ellicott City for COSD. Over $4000 was raised to continue funding the children’s programs at COSD.

Reducing Holiday Stress, Continued from page 1

“Find Your Way to Happy”, by Justin, age 11