Healing Hearts

Children of Seperation and Divorce Center, Inc. / Columbia: 410-740-9553

This issue is all about the feelings that we have about big changes in our lives. Many times, a lot of big changes occur when a separation or divorce happens in the family. Kids may change homes, schools, see their parents less often, see other family members or family friends less often, lose a pet – there are many, many changes. In this issue, we will talk a lot about the many different feelings that kids go through when a big change or loss occurs.

These feelings are all part of the grieving process. Our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions features the topic of grief on page 2. We also included art and poetry about feelings from kids on page 3. Once again, we would like to invite our readers to send in art, poetry, or articles of your own. Get our address and list of upcoming events from page 3 as well. As always, we wish you and your family the best.

Kiara, a sixth grader at Wilde Lake Middle School in Columbia Maryland, did a service-learning project for COSD. She interviewed 18 kids from her neighborhood to find out what percentage of kids had gone through a separation, divorce, and remarriage.

 This is what she found:
56% of the kids had parents who had not divorced.
44% of the kids had been through their parents divorce.

11% of the kids’ parents whose parents had divorced had also remarried.

Kiara interviewed several kids about their feelings related to the divorce. Shauna, age 9, said, “My parents are divorced and I feel really sad about it, but I want to tell you that if your parents divorce, they still love you.” Nicole, age 12, said, “My parents fight a lot. I don’t regret that they divorced because they’d be unhappy if they were still together.”

Healing Hearts/ Volume 1, Issue 3 / Page 2 of 3

happier now that they live apart. I know that even though we live in separate places, we are still a family. My mom and dad both love me very much.

It will take some time, and you might feel better one day and then sad again the next, but you will feel better. Some of the things that kids do to help themselves deal with feelings are talking with their parents or another trusted adult, joining a group at school for kids whose parents have divorced, staying busy and active in school and extra-curricular activities and taking up a new hobby or writing in a journal. If you have other ideas or activities, please write us.

Here is a Care Bear Word Find by Jennifer at Wild Lake Middle School. She wrote it, “For little kids – to help them think of happy things.”

When will I feel better?
I have all different feelings about my parent’s separation – sad, angry, lonely, scared, frustrated, worried – How can I start to feel better?

Having your parents separate is one of the biggest things for a kid to have to go through. The important thing to remember is that all of these feelings are normal. When people go through something really upsetting like a divorce or the death of someone we care about, we go through a process called grieving. Grieving is the name we give for all of the feelings we go through when we are upset about a big change. These are some of the feelings:

Disbelief – “I can’t believe this happened to my family!”

Anger – “It’s not fair!”

Sadness – “I miss my mom and dad being together.”

Anxiety – “I am so worried about what is going to happen when I change schools.”

Guilt – “I wish I hadn’t had so many fights with my sister.”

Acceptance- “My parents are

The Act

You act like you don’t care-
But you do.
You tell them you’re ok-
But you’re not.
You look like the sun’s out-
But you know it’s not.
The sun’s rays hit
Your face and suddenly,
The years of torture
Wash from your face
With the true color
That expresses you.

By Shannon, age 12, Wilde Lake Middle School

Upcoming Events for Kids and Families

Kidshare - August 27 and October 22, 2001

Family Resiliency Orientation - August 20, September 24,and October 15

** Call the center for more information

Word List: Tenderheart, Cheer, Funshine, Goodluck, Wish, Birthday, Friend, Grumpy, Lovealot, Bedtime

T E N D E R H E A R T L K M C C
G R E N E C K L O P B W W I S H
F R I E N D K S I S O Q T P E J  E
U M C Q O A S M N G R L E S R E
N M P C B E B A R S H O E M R R
S C T O M N E M P Q E V M C H P
H A B G O O D L U C K E M E R J
I  S O R U T T L O E P A C M N L
N Y O U L O I P C N O L P R C B I
E R S M E P M N O I C O T Z A I V
R M N P O S E M E N S T H E H F
M O V Y E B I R T H D A Y L E D I

“Staying active
In school and
Extra-curricular
Activities is a
Great way to help
Yourself feel better.”

By Laura, age 12. Wilde Lake Middle School

By Stephanie, age 12. Wilde Lake Middle School.